Hello Everyone,

Newsletter time has arrived at the end of the month. And I have decided thankfulness is how I'm spending the rest of February to hopefully make winter a little brighter.

Here is my list of good things that make me smile: 

I found Gluten Free Honey Nut Cheerios in the shape of hearts at Costco! I haven’t had Honey Nut Cheerios for about twenty years and I’m currently sharing a bowl of them (dry) with my wife.  We got to the last heart and I gave it to her, which she then promptly bit in half and gave me the other half.  We love being goofy cheeseballs together.

For those who read my last newsletter, I do not currently show signs of breast cancer.  Doing a little seated dance as I type.

So this one is a little stickier, but I’m a classic apologizer.  It's incredibly easy to think most things are my fault.  It’s a long story of my past that I won’t go into here.  But this week, I feel like I turned a corner and made great effort to not blame myself for my step kid’s unhappiness.  Each of us is responsible for their own happiness.  It was really hard.  Parental guilt is super easy.  But I have decided to excoriate the guilt and find my grief underneath.  Oof.  Ouch.  Maybe blame is easier for me than heart wrenching sadness.  Despite all of this, I’m thankful to have found my grief so I can cry my eyes out for several days.  Whoosh what an internal housekeeping experience.

I went on a walk in our local park this week.  It’s been a tough two weeks, (crying and such).  On my walk, I found a very silly stone (pictured above).  On the back in sparkly sharpie, someone wrote, “You are a big deal.”  It brought an instant warm smile to my rather somber puffy face.  

And finally, I’ve been working on a play for about two years and I’m almost done!  I’m both excited and petrified.  It is a play that shares the dramedy of what life is like for Trans individuals (or some of us) in the United States.  I hear that choosing to do the terrifying thing is usually best, so once I’m finished, I’m planning to submit it to Portland Center Stage.  Fingers Crossed.  It would be spectacular if they loved it.  But if they don’t I’ve decided I had a great time writing it and I learned a lot, which is valuable.  And it made my wife laugh and cry.  Which was my goal.

Darkness is easily found.  It’s the light we have to look out for.  

Keep looking, friends.

R.M.